The End

the time has come, it's not really the end of the blog i think i will keep writing things i remember about the family but i couldn't write for ages cause i missed dear...hmm i can't remember what i was callin him in this ah goofygoober yes and brambly hedge. we keep in touch through email now and again. 

i will tell you of a time before i left that was very difficult from goofygoober. 

before i left swimmin had become very majorly important in the house. the kiddies would leave at 5 in the morning for a swim practice outside and then the goofygoober would go to all sorts of other swim practices durin the day and he would go to swim meets. him bein a dead lazy boy, this didn't suit. one day squarepants was home which never suited me cause i never knew what my duties were and so i didn't know if i was to be lookin after goofygoober or not so the wee jammy dodger got to sleep all day and i got the blame for it cause he missed all his practices. 

one morning i came down the stairs to find goofygoober had had enough. 

no practice Dad! because i said 

                                             Please

he still had to go of course. the please was probably added a few minutes later when he thought it might get him further in his demand hahahah poor goofygoober guess what happened to him hahahahahahaah 3 ear infections!!!

swimmin

you know what, that last post title didn't make sense i don't think. let me explain it to you. back when i crashed the car of course i mention that the goofygoober an i had got into an argument about the air conditioning and the music we were listening to. then after i crashed the car he was over speaking to the police officer and he said to the goofygoober 'is she a good nanny' and the goofygoober said!!!!.............. yeh, she is. really good. 

i think the goofygoober has SAD or whatever it is cause he seems really really pleasant these days. we've been gettin on great. he's started calling me by the shortened version of my name and doin what i ask him to do immediately. this morning i picked him up from swimming and as soon as he got out the pool he came looking for me and gave me a big wave and shouted '2 MINUTES!!' and he was only 2 minutes instead of his usually dilly dally of half an hour. (this blog is like the life of the goofygoober but he's the most entertaining and so...)

anyways, we've been gettin on great and it's very refreshing. he's even made comments about not wanting me to leave. quite a few actually. last week we took our last trip to the ortho. we've been goin there every month since i first arrived here. actually, it was the first place we went when i got here.  when i made his next appointment for september, the woman at the desk asked if i'd be back then and i told her no i would be home and i wasn't coming back next year hahahahahha the goofygoober then mumbled 'yes you will' and wandered away out the door with his head down HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

the summer is here! and the kids have a new schedule! let me tell it to you! do you think it would be sleepin in and lying by the pool? NO think again! the goofygoober arises at 5am and brambly hedge wakes at 5.20am they have swim practice at an outside pool from 6 to 8am sometimes 8.30am. they get home around 9am. brambly hedge has some soccer thing most days for an hour but the rest of the time she is free probably because she has soccer camp for all of next week AND she'll be in camp for the whole of august. the goofygoober on the other hand! he then has more swim practice at 12pm which finishes at 1pm. yesterday he had even more practice at 4pm and then a swim meet at 5pm. he has had quite a few swim meets over the past week. 

Is She a Good Nanny?

I'm sittin in my room right now waitin for Bertie Bassetts to come home. It's 20 after 8. Yes! I should be out of the house by now considering i did finish at 5!!! i would have just taken the other car but GUESS WHAT!! i smashed it into someone. 

yesterday i was driving to swimming. just the goofy goober and his pal. we'll call him pedro. me and goofygoober had jus had a fight in the car before pedro got in because he was trying to make me put up the windows when i was too cold

SORRY! i must have started this a month ago and got totally harassed and stopped it! i'm jus goin to go over that story I GOT IN A CAR ACCIDENT spongebob immediately thought it was my fault but of course it wasn't! now shes goin mad over the insurance and what not. i don't care about it. also, i was meant to go to court over that other ticket? the one i got for not having the right insurance card in the car? yeh well, i missed the date hahahaha so i phoned the court and said, sorry i missed the date and they were very rude of course and said could i get there that very day and i said no! HAHAHAHA so they sent me another court date in the post and guess when it's for?! YES a month from now! and when am i leaving?! two weeks from now! i haven't even told them about the court date! it's sitting here in my room and the day i leave i'm goin to sit it in with all the other mail in the kitchen! HEHEHEHEHEEHHEHEHE 

yeh so. much has happened. the kids are out of school now. every time i mention my leaving the goofygoober seems to have a slight melt down and mumbles something about kidnapping me and i can't leave or i'm not to leave or something like that. it's a sore topic. today we went to the ortho for the last time. we've gone every month ever since i got here and the southern wuman at the desk asked if i would be here in september to bring him again and i told her no no i was goin home for good. the goofygoober again mumbled something and walked out of the room HAHAHA oh well he'll get over it with his new brazilian nanny. last week the family were away on holiday. by now you can probably pretty much tell these people are super rich right? where did they go on holiday? montana. a ranch in montana. they could go anywhere in the world. brambly hedge came back with stories of falling off horses and being stepped on and crying over the cows that the cowboys were strangling or whatever. i saw all their photos and they looked very romantical. brambly hedge sitting on a horse with piggy tails and cowboy hat, head slightly tilted to the side as if she's thinking about something very deep. 

i managed to avoid spongebob for about 2 days after they came back. it was glorious. then last night she called my room and said 'i'm not sure i remember what you look like, would you mind coming down the stairs' i didn't mind at all that night because i was dying to know when they'd send me home and the date is set for the 25th of july. well, bertie bassetts still has to get the ticket sorted!

ok i have millions of funny things to write but i'm goin to post this now and i know there are probably spelling and grammer mistakes in it and no caps and whatever and maybe some bits sound funny but usually i go over these but from now on i'm jus goin to write them and post them as they are ANY OBJECT? this way i'll write more cause really i can't be bothered reading over them again. ok i'll write more laters 

The Windows Down and the Music Really Really Loud?

Spongebob would not let it drop. The GoofyGoober had a jazz band concert last Wednesday evening and I drove with Spongebob to it as i had no other way of gettin there and the GoofyGoober had made me promise to go. We picked up Brambly Hedge on the way but before we did, we had to have some awkward car conversation. 

'So, DOES your cousin talk?' 

'Yes she does talk thank you Spongebob, do you talk? Talk of anything interesting that I want to hear? No you don't.'

Na hahahaha didn't say that! Then she talked about how young my parents were and the conversation ended with 

'I have a brother who's 60!'

 That one made my head spin! Considering she's in her late 40's and the youngest in a family of 6 or 7 brothers, i don't see it very surpising that she has a brother at 60? Do you? She made it sound like it was something completely shocking! 'I have a brother who's 60!'

Miss kitty arrived and probably to Spongebob's delight, she talked!

Most of the week went well... or did it? She knew my cousin was there but for some reason i was made to drive to swimming every night. I don't usually ever drive to swimming or pick up but of course i had to do it every day that week AND this one. 

It's friday afternoon and I've to work till Saturday night. This weeks ups and downs...

The GoofyGoober had a screamin fit one morning at Brambly Hedge because she opened the fridge and the tub with the dog's breakfast in it (chicken legs) fell out and all over the floor. He hadn't closed the tub properly (it's a vaccum seal) and he stuck it at the edge of the fridge. So while screamin at Brambly Hedge from the piano room about it being her fault, i cleaned it up then walked into the room where he was and pointed at him and said 

'You get in there and seal that thing and put it back in the fridge' and walked out. He screamed back 'IF YOU'RE SO BLIND YOU GET BACK TO SCOTLAND!!'

I think he was meaning that he had sealed it before and i had seen him doin it. hmmm... i don't think so wee man!

I shouted back 'I CLEANED IT UP NOW GET IN THERE!!!' and slammed the door on the way out. 

I didn't actually feel at all angry ahahhahaha cause the cleanin ladies were comin that morning so they'd wash the floor!

When leavin the car Brambly Hedge said to me 

'Don't mind GoofyGoober, he's a nooge' (or something like that)

When i got back to the house i expected the kitchen to be ramshack a lama'd in some way or another. I imagined the forks lying all over the floor and cereal spread across the breakfast bar...  but there was nothing. The chicken was back in the fridge, no cereal, no forks just a note that read-

Dear (shortened version of name)

I'm sorry. It was Brambly Hedge's fault. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you.

Goofygoober

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA I wonder if it had anything to do with him being in so much trouble before? ....??? hahahahaha!!

We've been gettin on surprisingly well since. He seems to be making a great effort to stay in my good books! Maybe the thought of me leaving soon is getting him down! hahaha! Probably!! 

Last week Brambly Hedge called me and asked if i could pick her and her friend up from school cause they'd had some kind of meeting and missed the bus. On my way out the door my phone rang again and it was Brambly Hedge. I wasn't quite sure what she was saying but i could hear her friend in the background saying 'DO IT DO IT!! JUST ASK HER IF SHE WILL!!' 

'(shortened version of name) when you pick us up can you put all the windows down in the car and play the music really really loud? cause there are some people here (friend) doesn't like' HAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

I said 'Ok then what music?'

'eh... jus z100' 

               Z100 new york's hit music sation... or something like that...

I laughed all the way there at the thought of arriving and having the traffic report blaring from the car!

"Sleepys, the mattress professionals traffic report!"

 But it was some dance choon, one the girls didn't even like it and plus, by the time i got there the other children they didn't like had gone.

This weekend Mr Bertie Bassetts and Mrs Spongebob went away to Chicago. Someone died. So it was jus me and them. On the Friday night the kiddies went to swimming. I took them. One night this week i was driving EVERYONE to swimming and on the way my mind drifted and i stopped at a traffic light at which point Brambly Hedge shouted '(shortened version of name)WHY DID YOU STOP?! IT'S GREEN!!!' ahhahahahahahaahhaha! Oh teenagers can be so cruel when you make little mistakes. I laughed all the way there and they all look at me like I'd lost my mind!

When they got in from swimming on Friday night i made them their favourite- potatoes and some other stuff and we watched Spongebob (the cartoon) while eating. GoofyGoober said he felt like he was in heaven. Watching tv and eating dinner!!! It was a new and wonderful experience!

The next morning i was to wake at 5 as this was the time the GoofyGoober had chosen to RISE! In order to be ready for his swim meet! I woke up at a quarter past 5 though HAHAHAHAHAHA!! and threw myself down the stairs. He walked about and did basically NOTHING cept get ready. He didn't even eat breakfast. He prepared it and put it in tin foil so he could eat it in the car. I sat on an old piano stool that was had for some reason, been placed at the front door and thats all i did. Sat. I asked him if he had everything. He played the piano quietly cause Brambly Hedge was sleeping and i just sat and sat and sat until the car showed up. He ran out the door and politely shouted 'goodbye' and i went back up to bed and of course, didn't sleep! 

The evening before everyone was unsure as to who was goin to pick the boys up from the swim meet. It was at some college roughly an hour away. I'd taken Brambly Hedge before and we'd got totally and completely lost on the campus! We phoned Spongebob's work and a man who 'worked for her' guided us around the campus over the phone till we reached our destination. It was very annoying.

Speaking of annoying things, it was looking like I was goin to have to be the one that picked up the boyz from this swim meet! All day i kept my fingers crossed hoping somehow that the other family would be able to pick them up but of course! They couldn't, and it was left to me. 

Bertie Bassetts left me directions on paper. How old fashioned? I couldn't understand why he didn't jus give me the address so i could put it into the GPS?

I took Brambly hedge with me so that i might not get SO lost! but 20 minutes into the journey, we were heading in the wrong direction completely. So i stuck an address into the GPS and an hour later we were there. No problem. Thanks Bertie!!

Oh I'm tired sorry this post is taking so long. I know everyone is waiting for it but I'm gettin it done now ok. 

Anyways, I've got sunburn. Oh let me tell you about this funny thing that happened today before i forget. I went to pick up GoofyGoober and one of his friends. I've heard him talking about this boy before and apparently he'd gone mad and was goin to kill himself and other people in the school so he'd not been goin to school for a while hahahahaha ANWYAYS so i pick them up from school and we're drivin up the road and they see another boy who is cycling up the hill (i think GoofyGoober should start cycling home, he's getting so fat and lazy!) So this boy is jus minding his own business and the GoofyGoober shouts his name out the window 'GREG!!' or something like that but the boy doesn't hear it and carries on up the hill and we drive on ahead. we stopped at some traffic lights jus up the same road a bit and while we're sitting there the bike boy comes up again and the GoofyGoober and his friend are gettin all excited 'Here he comes! Here he comes!!! Throw something at him! Throw something!"

The crazy boy in the back is sitting with a big chocolate cake on his knee but instead he throws a packet of crisps out the window HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and it hits the bike boy and they're all laughin (bike boy included) and he stops the bike ' What was that you threw?! chuckle chuckle!' They're all laughin and stuff and i start drivin away and GoofyGoober shouts out to the boy 'DON'T FORGET TO PICK UP THAT BAG OF CHIPS!!' and he and the crazy boy watch out the window as the boy goes and picks up the baggie crisps HAHAHAH and GoofyGoober says to his friend 'Oh, It'd be terrible if he left them! That'd be like littering' HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH I wanted to laugh so much! The crazy boy in back agrees with GoofyGoober 'Yeh, i'd feel terrible!' They're fourteen!!! 

Oh, i suppose it's good they have feelings like that. Maybe a bit pathetic though. 

Back to saturday. There was a huge thunder and lightning storm that i had to drive home in and once we got home, we had to go straight out again to the church across the road where GoofyGoober was playing some choons on the piano. His mental music teacher was holding a recital of all his students. This music teacher, have i mentioned him yet? Don't think so. He's Italian or something but was very taken with my accent when I arrived. He said he loved Scotland and gave me a CD of 'Silly Wizard' that i never listened to and lost. Oh well. Spongebob seems to be terrified of him and has a fear of having him and the GoofyGoober in the house alone!! When Mr Musicteacher is there, i must be there too. She has made a big point of it ever since i got here. He comes from the city and must have a lot of pupils in this area. But this is america! This is New Jersey/New York! There must be hundreds of other music teachers much better than this guy, that could come teach the GoofyGoober! Music teachers that she wouldn't have to worry about being left in the house alone with her children! But Spongebob is really half daft as we all know. I've been living here 9 months, she's been here 40 summit years and today she went to get the train home from the city and got on the wrong one and wanted me to come pick her up. Really, how does this woman make so much money?

Saturday. After the recital, the kids had to go to a confirmation party that was being held at a house around the corner. I had to walk them over to the house and leave them... hmmm... incase they ran away or something? Or got lost crossing the street?

The GoofyGoober came home at around 9 but Brambly Hedge partied ALL NIGHT! and wandered in with a boy and a girl at around 11.30pm. I of course got into trouble for this on Monday morning. Oh how i wanted to remind Spongebob that she was actually meant to be home that night by 9 and Brambly Hedge really wasn't meant to be my responsibility! but i'd stayed up waitin for her anyways eventhough i was half dead. 

Ok almost up to date i think. This week GoofyGoober has been very nice. Maybe it's because of the good weather thats come in? He's been a happy chappy anyways. How i'll miss our fights!!! HA!

Oh and guess what! I haven't driven to swimming at all this week!

I'm Really Angry Right Now

I am actually really really angry right now, so much so that if Spongebob finds this blog and reads it i don't even care! Cause i hate her! and if the next nanny reads this i imagine i'll put her right off comin here but i don't even care about that either!!!!!!!!

This morning i awoke and was feeling ill again. I thought my head was actually goin to fall off and when i went downstairs to breakfast i jus stood there and look at Brambly Hedge. GoofyGoober was goin away to a highschool all day to 'shadow' someone. Heck, i wouldn't like him shadowing me all day! He'll probably be cramping someones style with his jeans that hang just above his ankles!               ANYWAYS 

Spongebob phoned later and was like blah blah blah all about picking up and dropping off and stuff like that, completely boring I had no idea what she was saying cause i thought i was goin to collapse on the kitchen floor. Then she goes 'I can tell you're jus dying to get me off the phone'...... WHAT?! What on earth is wrong with this woman? Why would you say something like that? I was answering all her questions and being perfectly cheerful! I jus told her to shut it. Hahahaha not really i said "oh no, of course not" or something like that.

So then i'm dead sick and everything so on.... and i think, oh i should tell her that Miss Kitty is coming to stay next Saturday! So i went downstairs and emailed her and i first told her i was really sick and then i told her about Miss Kitty and she emailed back all this rubbish about how she doesn't mind people coming to stay as long as i do my work! She went on about how when my sister was here i wasn't gettin up on time and wasn't doing the laundry and - did my cousin (miss kitty) talk? because my sister was very quiet!!

NUMBER ONE- Why is it any of her business wether Miss Kitty or the Weel Stockit Farm talk? It's not like she ever saw the Weel Stockit Farms and it's not like she spoke to her much either! Plus! Is she blind? Her daugher and son never open THEIR mouths in public! More her daughter! No excuses for being younger cause they'll probably be the same or worse when they're older! When around new people or in a place they don't know they freak out and just stand there not knowing what to say. If you ask them a question they jus shrug their shoulders and say 'yeh, yeh whatever!' and go all moody!

Also, Spongebob doesn't have the type of personality where you can jus have a chat with her. She's awkward and did i forget to mention something? Yes i did but i'll come to it later. Remind me. 

Back to this..

NUMBER TWO- The kids were on holiday and i was up every morning before Brambly Hedge and at the same time as the GoofyGoober!

NUMBER THREE- I did the laundry every day that week APART FROM the day she made us go to that broadway show!! AND the day she made me drive 4 boys down to their shore house when she could very well have done it herself! and NUMBER FOUR! she says at the end 'It wasn't a big deal so i didn't mention it before' WELL SPONGEBOB if it wasn't a big deal and you didn't mention it whyyyyy are you mentioning it now?! 

She told me when i first got here that if she had a problem with anything she would tell me about it straight away. Now, 2 weeks later, she bring it up? So does this mean it wasn't a problem 2 or 3 weeks ago but it is now? It wasn't a problem because it wasn't happening thats why! The only thing she was ticked at was someone else actually being in the house!

Ok, now back to that thing i was goin to tell you before. HEE HEE HEE! When the Weel Stockit Farm was here i was in the house talkin to Spongebob. She'd jus come home and was goin over all this stuff she'd been over a million times before and i didn't really care about. Half of the stuff she tells me has nothing to do with me. 

We were standing there and i hear this noise but i think... no, surely not... and Bramby Hedge turns round and looks at Spongebob and says 'Was that you?!' 

                                                HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MORTIFIED!

Spongebob turned her head and looks at Brambly Hedge with a look that could have been 

'Don't be so ridiculous of course it wasn't!' 

or 

'Don't point out that that was me infront of (shortened version of my name)" 

then turned back to me and continued talking. I didn't know wither i wanted to laugh or be sick! This coming from the woman who wanted me to tell her son off for burping!! Then the smell! Oh mee mee lets not continue with this you know what i'm getting at 

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Anyway, back to Spongebob being an idiot today. I replied to her email saying nothing about my sister or my cousin or the laundry that had been done or the always waking up in the morning, jus that i could take to swim practice. 

Another thing about Spongebob is that she never uses anyones name. It's always, your sister, your older sister, your friend, your cousin, your honey. No matter how many times shes heard the name, she never uses it and pretends to have forgotten it. 

When she asks you a question she has already decided the answer in her head and if you don't give her the answer shes thinking of BUZZZZZZ WRONG ANSWER and she starts contradicting everything you've just said. 

Last week we were in the car ALONE and she of course had to do her little update on my life, and as always, her first question is 

'So! Hows the honey?!' 

I paused for a moment and went 'Eeehhh'

Her- 'Oh! Is he still the honey?'

At this point i can tell shes gettin excited and expecting some sort of emotional breakdown from me.

So i jus said 'Eh, no.'

She of course does not believe this because in her head, everything i say is a lie.

'Oh come on! Yeh right!' It really is unbelievable the way she says stuff. Sometimes i jus want to turn round and tell her to stop being so blummin cheeky to me. 

Me- 'No really, he's not'

Her- 'WHY NOT?'

ME- 'He jus isn't. I jus didn't feel like it anymore so i finished it.'     As if i'm givin her details on my life (and there aren't really any details to give anyway)

'Oh (name) you're so funny!'

Then she gave me a speech on how things don't always work out blah blah i dunno what she said cause i wasn't listening but i knew it was rubbish anyways cause everything that goes on in her head is total rubbish but i smiled and listened and agree and said, 'yeh you jus never know, maybe' and stuff like that.

I'll give you a few more examples of her. 

When if first got here in september, she couldn't believe i found it really hot. She just could not believe it. It just came up in conversation that i found it really hot and bright, (considering where i'd come from i thought i was sitting in an oven with great big lights shinning in my eyes!) i wasn't complaining or anything it was just in the conversation and she rooooooolled her eyes right away from me. That was my first day here. Nice first impression Mrs Spongebob! Then there have been a few other times of 'No! i don't believe you! surely not (this) or (that)'

In i think it was february, i was finally so sick of tryin to be nice and make her believe whatever i was saying incase she fired me or something. One day she was at home and sitting in the kitchen eating lunch. I decided i wasn't staying in the house any longer so i walked up to the kitchen and as i got closer to her i hear '(name) do you EVER eat?'

I turned round slowly and looked at her and said 

'Spongebob, do i look like i never eat?'

She look slightly put out and said 'Hahahaha, good one (name)'

and i exited the building. 

Last week the Goofygoober was nicer and cause i was sick he made me up an emergen C or whatever it's called. It was kind, but today i had to shout at him for being cheeky. hmmmmm i wonder who he gets that from eh? It's not even a nice cheeky, it's a... really really stupid cheeky. I'm surprised Spongebob has friends but i know they all talk about her and call her a man behind her back. He He He. I know they do because one of them, the woman across the road, made a comment about it. 

"She's lived her whole life in a mans worlds" was what she said.  

Buckfast

this is hilarious watch it and comment

Bertie's Night In

Today is very sunny. 

On the day the Weel Stockit Farm (my sister) arrived here, the fam were goin to Texas. All of them except for Bertie Bassetts. 

From what I understood, he had to go to work and would be joining them the next day. 

It was a Thursday when she arrived, the 17th ot 18th or something of April. The weather was lovely. The stud, spongebob's nephew, was still at the house and the Weel Stockit Farm and i were to take him to the airport early the next morning. 

Around 9pm that Thursday evening we came home. Because it was so lovely and warm all the windows and doors were open in the house. We parked the car outside because the garage was being fixed and as we stepped out the car we could hear music drifting very loudly from the house out to the street and Bertie Bassetts shadow could be seen in the kitchen moving in his usual quick manner around the room except this time it was much smoother, in time with the music-  

"YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL IT'S TRUE! WHEN I SAW YOUR FACE ...something something i should really look up the words....AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DOOOOO! CAUSE I'LL NEVER BE WIIIIIITHHHH YOUUUUU!!!"

This is what i think must have been happening in Bertie Bassetts mind as we were walking to the front door

He hears the car doors close- 'Oh No, i've got this embarrasssing  music on really really loud. Oh well, i'm goin to pretend i dont even care and keep it on. AH i can't do this!! they're closer to the house i can't keep this up'  

By the time we reached the front door he'd turned it down and by the time we walked in it was OFF and he was busying about the kitchen as if he hadn't ever been singing along at the top of his voice before he heard the car doors close!

On the Saturday thats jus passed i got a phone call from Spongebob asking me to come pick her up because she was taking the rented car back to wherever she'd got it from. When i got there the GoofyGoober was being all smily and chatty and got in the back seat but when Spongebob got in she didn't look so cheerful!

"The GoofyGoober is in a lot of trouble!" she said.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA how i laughed in my head as she told me how she'd discovered...

 

He'd been using bad language- I'm guessing she found this out from his text messages. All his and brambly hedge's text messages go though i think Spongbob's email account so she can read them all. He's really a stupid boy when it comes to this sort of thing. I think he was imagining that she was no longer checking up on him! HAHAHAAHHAHAHA

He'd been lying- he had swimming practice AND scouts on Saturday morning and told her that things had changed and both had been cancelled. So he lay on the couch all morning watching tv. When she checked she discovered this to be a big fat goofygoober lie!

He'd also been giving her a lot of cheek over the past week. Well misses, just a taste of what i get every day! and last but not least- he'd been lookin at naughty stuff online. 

I dunno exactly what though. 

Oh good luck to the next nanny! Gone are the days of him wanting to jus make cookies and play outside with the dogs!

Since saturday we've not had a single fight. He's been very happy and obliging. 

We'll see how things go.