The End

the time has come, it's not really the end of the blog i think i will keep writing things i remember about the family but i couldn't write for ages cause i missed dear...hmm i can't remember what i was callin him in this ah goofygoober yes and brambly hedge. we keep in touch through email now and again. 

i will tell you of a time before i left that was very difficult from goofygoober. 

before i left swimmin had become very majorly important in the house. the kiddies would leave at 5 in the morning for a swim practice outside and then the goofygoober would go to all sorts of other swim practices durin the day and he would go to swim meets. him bein a dead lazy boy, this didn't suit. one day squarepants was home which never suited me cause i never knew what my duties were and so i didn't know if i was to be lookin after goofygoober or not so the wee jammy dodger got to sleep all day and i got the blame for it cause he missed all his practices. 

one morning i came down the stairs to find goofygoober had had enough. 

no practice Dad! because i said 

                                             Please

he still had to go of course. the please was probably added a few minutes later when he thought it might get him further in his demand hahahah poor goofygoober guess what happened to him hahahahahahaah 3 ear infections!!!

swimmin

you know what, that last post title didn't make sense i don't think. let me explain it to you. back when i crashed the car of course i mention that the goofygoober an i had got into an argument about the air conditioning and the music we were listening to. then after i crashed the car he was over speaking to the police officer and he said to the goofygoober 'is she a good nanny' and the goofygoober said!!!!.............. yeh, she is. really good. 

i think the goofygoober has SAD or whatever it is cause he seems really really pleasant these days. we've been gettin on great. he's started calling me by the shortened version of my name and doin what i ask him to do immediately. this morning i picked him up from swimming and as soon as he got out the pool he came looking for me and gave me a big wave and shouted '2 MINUTES!!' and he was only 2 minutes instead of his usually dilly dally of half an hour. (this blog is like the life of the goofygoober but he's the most entertaining and so...)

anyways, we've been gettin on great and it's very refreshing. he's even made comments about not wanting me to leave. quite a few actually. last week we took our last trip to the ortho. we've been goin there every month since i first arrived here. actually, it was the first place we went when i got here.  when i made his next appointment for september, the woman at the desk asked if i'd be back then and i told her no i would be home and i wasn't coming back next year hahahahahha the goofygoober then mumbled 'yes you will' and wandered away out the door with his head down HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

the summer is here! and the kids have a new schedule! let me tell it to you! do you think it would be sleepin in and lying by the pool? NO think again! the goofygoober arises at 5am and brambly hedge wakes at 5.20am they have swim practice at an outside pool from 6 to 8am sometimes 8.30am. they get home around 9am. brambly hedge has some soccer thing most days for an hour but the rest of the time she is free probably because she has soccer camp for all of next week AND she'll be in camp for the whole of august. the goofygoober on the other hand! he then has more swim practice at 12pm which finishes at 1pm. yesterday he had even more practice at 4pm and then a swim meet at 5pm. he has had quite a few swim meets over the past week. 

Is She a Good Nanny?

I'm sittin in my room right now waitin for Bertie Bassetts to come home. It's 20 after 8. Yes! I should be out of the house by now considering i did finish at 5!!! i would have just taken the other car but GUESS WHAT!! i smashed it into someone. 

yesterday i was driving to swimming. just the goofy goober and his pal. we'll call him pedro. me and goofygoober had jus had a fight in the car before pedro got in because he was trying to make me put up the windows when i was too cold

SORRY! i must have started this a month ago and got totally harassed and stopped it! i'm jus goin to go over that story I GOT IN A CAR ACCIDENT spongebob immediately thought it was my fault but of course it wasn't! now shes goin mad over the insurance and what not. i don't care about it. also, i was meant to go to court over that other ticket? the one i got for not having the right insurance card in the car? yeh well, i missed the date hahahaha so i phoned the court and said, sorry i missed the date and they were very rude of course and said could i get there that very day and i said no! HAHAHAHA so they sent me another court date in the post and guess when it's for?! YES a month from now! and when am i leaving?! two weeks from now! i haven't even told them about the court date! it's sitting here in my room and the day i leave i'm goin to sit it in with all the other mail in the kitchen! HEHEHEHEHEEHHEHEHE 

yeh so. much has happened. the kids are out of school now. every time i mention my leaving the goofygoober seems to have a slight melt down and mumbles something about kidnapping me and i can't leave or i'm not to leave or something like that. it's a sore topic. today we went to the ortho for the last time. we've gone every month ever since i got here and the southern wuman at the desk asked if i would be here in september to bring him again and i told her no no i was goin home for good. the goofygoober again mumbled something and walked out of the room HAHAHA oh well he'll get over it with his new brazilian nanny. last week the family were away on holiday. by now you can probably pretty much tell these people are super rich right? where did they go on holiday? montana. a ranch in montana. they could go anywhere in the world. brambly hedge came back with stories of falling off horses and being stepped on and crying over the cows that the cowboys were strangling or whatever. i saw all their photos and they looked very romantical. brambly hedge sitting on a horse with piggy tails and cowboy hat, head slightly tilted to the side as if she's thinking about something very deep. 

i managed to avoid spongebob for about 2 days after they came back. it was glorious. then last night she called my room and said 'i'm not sure i remember what you look like, would you mind coming down the stairs' i didn't mind at all that night because i was dying to know when they'd send me home and the date is set for the 25th of july. well, bertie bassetts still has to get the ticket sorted!

ok i have millions of funny things to write but i'm goin to post this now and i know there are probably spelling and grammer mistakes in it and no caps and whatever and maybe some bits sound funny but usually i go over these but from now on i'm jus goin to write them and post them as they are ANY OBJECT? this way i'll write more cause really i can't be bothered reading over them again. ok i'll write more laters 

The Windows Down and the Music Really Really Loud?

Spongebob would not let it drop. The GoofyGoober had a jazz band concert last Wednesday evening and I drove with Spongebob to it as i had no other way of gettin there and the GoofyGoober had made me promise to go. We picked up Brambly Hedge on the way but before we did, we had to have some awkward car conversation. 

'So, DOES your cousin talk?' 

'Yes she does talk thank you Spongebob, do you talk? Talk of anything interesting that I want to hear? No you don't.'

Na hahahaha didn't say that! Then she talked about how young my parents were and the conversation ended with 

'I have a brother who's 60!'

 That one made my head spin! Considering she's in her late 40's and the youngest in a family of 6 or 7 brothers, i don't see it very surpising that she has a brother at 60? Do you? She made it sound like it was something completely shocking! 'I have a brother who's 60!'

Miss kitty arrived and probably to Spongebob's delight, she talked!

Most of the week went well... or did it? She knew my cousin was there but for some reason i was made to drive to swimming every night. I don't usually ever drive to swimming or pick up but of course i had to do it every day that week AND this one. 

It's friday afternoon and I've to work till Saturday night. This weeks ups and downs...

The GoofyGoober had a screamin fit one morning at Brambly Hedge because she opened the fridge and the tub with the dog's breakfast in it (chicken legs) fell out and all over the floor. He hadn't closed the tub properly (it's a vaccum seal) and he stuck it at the edge of the fridge. So while screamin at Brambly Hedge from the piano room about it being her fault, i cleaned it up then walked into the room where he was and pointed at him and said 

'You get in there and seal that thing and put it back in the fridge' and walked out. He screamed back 'IF YOU'RE SO BLIND YOU GET BACK TO SCOTLAND!!'

I think he was meaning that he had sealed it before and i had seen him doin it. hmmm... i don't think so wee man!

I shouted back 'I CLEANED IT UP NOW GET IN THERE!!!' and slammed the door on the way out. 

I didn't actually feel at all angry ahahhahaha cause the cleanin ladies were comin that morning so they'd wash the floor!

When leavin the car Brambly Hedge said to me 

'Don't mind GoofyGoober, he's a nooge' (or something like that)

When i got back to the house i expected the kitchen to be ramshack a lama'd in some way or another. I imagined the forks lying all over the floor and cereal spread across the breakfast bar...  but there was nothing. The chicken was back in the fridge, no cereal, no forks just a note that read-

Dear (shortened version of name)

I'm sorry. It was Brambly Hedge's fault. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you.

Goofygoober

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA I wonder if it had anything to do with him being in so much trouble before? ....??? hahahahaha!!

We've been gettin on surprisingly well since. He seems to be making a great effort to stay in my good books! Maybe the thought of me leaving soon is getting him down! hahaha! Probably!! 

Last week Brambly Hedge called me and asked if i could pick her and her friend up from school cause they'd had some kind of meeting and missed the bus. On my way out the door my phone rang again and it was Brambly Hedge. I wasn't quite sure what she was saying but i could hear her friend in the background saying 'DO IT DO IT!! JUST ASK HER IF SHE WILL!!' 

'(shortened version of name) when you pick us up can you put all the windows down in the car and play the music really really loud? cause there are some people here (friend) doesn't like' HAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

I said 'Ok then what music?'

'eh... jus z100' 

               Z100 new york's hit music sation... or something like that...

I laughed all the way there at the thought of arriving and having the traffic report blaring from the car!

"Sleepys, the mattress professionals traffic report!"

 But it was some dance choon, one the girls didn't even like it and plus, by the time i got there the other children they didn't like had gone.

This weekend Mr Bertie Bassetts and Mrs Spongebob went away to Chicago. Someone died. So it was jus me and them. On the Friday night the kiddies went to swimming. I took them. One night this week i was driving EVERYONE to swimming and on the way my mind drifted and i stopped at a traffic light at which point Brambly Hedge shouted '(shortened version of name)WHY DID YOU STOP?! IT'S GREEN!!!' ahhahahahahahaahhaha! Oh teenagers can be so cruel when you make little mistakes. I laughed all the way there and they all look at me like I'd lost my mind!

When they got in from swimming on Friday night i made them their favourite- potatoes and some other stuff and we watched Spongebob (the cartoon) while eating. GoofyGoober said he felt like he was in heaven. Watching tv and eating dinner!!! It was a new and wonderful experience!

The next morning i was to wake at 5 as this was the time the GoofyGoober had chosen to RISE! In order to be ready for his swim meet! I woke up at a quarter past 5 though HAHAHAHAHAHA!! and threw myself down the stairs. He walked about and did basically NOTHING cept get ready. He didn't even eat breakfast. He prepared it and put it in tin foil so he could eat it in the car. I sat on an old piano stool that was had for some reason, been placed at the front door and thats all i did. Sat. I asked him if he had everything. He played the piano quietly cause Brambly Hedge was sleeping and i just sat and sat and sat until the car showed up. He ran out the door and politely shouted 'goodbye' and i went back up to bed and of course, didn't sleep! 

The evening before everyone was unsure as to who was goin to pick the boys up from the swim meet. It was at some college roughly an hour away. I'd taken Brambly Hedge before and we'd got totally and completely lost on the campus! We phoned Spongebob's work and a man who 'worked for her' guided us around the campus over the phone till we reached our destination. It was very annoying.

Speaking of annoying things, it was looking like I was goin to have to be the one that picked up the boyz from this swim meet! All day i kept my fingers crossed hoping somehow that the other family would be able to pick them up but of course! They couldn't, and it was left to me. 

Bertie Bassetts left me directions on paper. How old fashioned? I couldn't understand why he didn't jus give me the address so i could put it into the GPS?

I took Brambly hedge with me so that i might not get SO lost! but 20 minutes into the journey, we were heading in the wrong direction completely. So i stuck an address into the GPS and an hour later we were there. No problem. Thanks Bertie!!

Oh I'm tired sorry this post is taking so long. I know everyone is waiting for it but I'm gettin it done now ok. 

Anyways, I've got sunburn. Oh let me tell you about this funny thing that happened today before i forget. I went to pick up GoofyGoober and one of his friends. I've heard him talking about this boy before and apparently he'd gone mad and was goin to kill himself and other people in the school so he'd not been goin to school for a while hahahahaha ANWYAYS so i pick them up from school and we're drivin up the road and they see another boy who is cycling up the hill (i think GoofyGoober should start cycling home, he's getting so fat and lazy!) So this boy is jus minding his own business and the GoofyGoober shouts his name out the window 'GREG!!' or something like that but the boy doesn't hear it and carries on up the hill and we drive on ahead. we stopped at some traffic lights jus up the same road a bit and while we're sitting there the bike boy comes up again and the GoofyGoober and his friend are gettin all excited 'Here he comes! Here he comes!!! Throw something at him! Throw something!"

The crazy boy in the back is sitting with a big chocolate cake on his knee but instead he throws a packet of crisps out the window HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and it hits the bike boy and they're all laughin (bike boy included) and he stops the bike ' What was that you threw?! chuckle chuckle!' They're all laughin and stuff and i start drivin away and GoofyGoober shouts out to the boy 'DON'T FORGET TO PICK UP THAT BAG OF CHIPS!!' and he and the crazy boy watch out the window as the boy goes and picks up the baggie crisps HAHAHAH and GoofyGoober says to his friend 'Oh, It'd be terrible if he left them! That'd be like littering' HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH I wanted to laugh so much! The crazy boy in back agrees with GoofyGoober 'Yeh, i'd feel terrible!' They're fourteen!!! 

Oh, i suppose it's good they have feelings like that. Maybe a bit pathetic though. 

Back to saturday. There was a huge thunder and lightning storm that i had to drive home in and once we got home, we had to go straight out again to the church across the road where GoofyGoober was playing some choons on the piano. His mental music teacher was holding a recital of all his students. This music teacher, have i mentioned him yet? Don't think so. He's Italian or something but was very taken with my accent when I arrived. He said he loved Scotland and gave me a CD of 'Silly Wizard' that i never listened to and lost. Oh well. Spongebob seems to be terrified of him and has a fear of having him and the GoofyGoober in the house alone!! When Mr Musicteacher is there, i must be there too. She has made a big point of it ever since i got here. He comes from the city and must have a lot of pupils in this area. But this is america! This is New Jersey/New York! There must be hundreds of other music teachers much better than this guy, that could come teach the GoofyGoober! Music teachers that she wouldn't have to worry about being left in the house alone with her children! But Spongebob is really half daft as we all know. I've been living here 9 months, she's been here 40 summit years and today she went to get the train home from the city and got on the wrong one and wanted me to come pick her up. Really, how does this woman make so much money?

Saturday. After the recital, the kids had to go to a confirmation party that was being held at a house around the corner. I had to walk them over to the house and leave them... hmmm... incase they ran away or something? Or got lost crossing the street?

The GoofyGoober came home at around 9 but Brambly Hedge partied ALL NIGHT! and wandered in with a boy and a girl at around 11.30pm. I of course got into trouble for this on Monday morning. Oh how i wanted to remind Spongebob that she was actually meant to be home that night by 9 and Brambly Hedge really wasn't meant to be my responsibility! but i'd stayed up waitin for her anyways eventhough i was half dead. 

Ok almost up to date i think. This week GoofyGoober has been very nice. Maybe it's because of the good weather thats come in? He's been a happy chappy anyways. How i'll miss our fights!!! HA!

Oh and guess what! I haven't driven to swimming at all this week!

I'm Really Angry Right Now

I am actually really really angry right now, so much so that if Spongebob finds this blog and reads it i don't even care! Cause i hate her! and if the next nanny reads this i imagine i'll put her right off comin here but i don't even care about that either!!!!!!!!

This morning i awoke and was feeling ill again. I thought my head was actually goin to fall off and when i went downstairs to breakfast i jus stood there and look at Brambly Hedge. GoofyGoober was goin away to a highschool all day to 'shadow' someone. Heck, i wouldn't like him shadowing me all day! He'll probably be cramping someones style with his jeans that hang just above his ankles!               ANYWAYS 

Spongebob phoned later and was like blah blah blah all about picking up and dropping off and stuff like that, completely boring I had no idea what she was saying cause i thought i was goin to collapse on the kitchen floor. Then she goes 'I can tell you're jus dying to get me off the phone'...... WHAT?! What on earth is wrong with this woman? Why would you say something like that? I was answering all her questions and being perfectly cheerful! I jus told her to shut it. Hahahaha not really i said "oh no, of course not" or something like that.

So then i'm dead sick and everything so on.... and i think, oh i should tell her that Miss Kitty is coming to stay next Saturday! So i went downstairs and emailed her and i first told her i was really sick and then i told her about Miss Kitty and she emailed back all this rubbish about how she doesn't mind people coming to stay as long as i do my work! She went on about how when my sister was here i wasn't gettin up on time and wasn't doing the laundry and - did my cousin (miss kitty) talk? because my sister was very quiet!!

NUMBER ONE- Why is it any of her business wether Miss Kitty or the Weel Stockit Farm talk? It's not like she ever saw the Weel Stockit Farms and it's not like she spoke to her much either! Plus! Is she blind? Her daugher and son never open THEIR mouths in public! More her daughter! No excuses for being younger cause they'll probably be the same or worse when they're older! When around new people or in a place they don't know they freak out and just stand there not knowing what to say. If you ask them a question they jus shrug their shoulders and say 'yeh, yeh whatever!' and go all moody!

Also, Spongebob doesn't have the type of personality where you can jus have a chat with her. She's awkward and did i forget to mention something? Yes i did but i'll come to it later. Remind me. 

Back to this..

NUMBER TWO- The kids were on holiday and i was up every morning before Brambly Hedge and at the same time as the GoofyGoober!

NUMBER THREE- I did the laundry every day that week APART FROM the day she made us go to that broadway show!! AND the day she made me drive 4 boys down to their shore house when she could very well have done it herself! and NUMBER FOUR! she says at the end 'It wasn't a big deal so i didn't mention it before' WELL SPONGEBOB if it wasn't a big deal and you didn't mention it whyyyyy are you mentioning it now?! 

She told me when i first got here that if she had a problem with anything she would tell me about it straight away. Now, 2 weeks later, she bring it up? So does this mean it wasn't a problem 2 or 3 weeks ago but it is now? It wasn't a problem because it wasn't happening thats why! The only thing she was ticked at was someone else actually being in the house!

Ok, now back to that thing i was goin to tell you before. HEE HEE HEE! When the Weel Stockit Farm was here i was in the house talkin to Spongebob. She'd jus come home and was goin over all this stuff she'd been over a million times before and i didn't really care about. Half of the stuff she tells me has nothing to do with me. 

We were standing there and i hear this noise but i think... no, surely not... and Bramby Hedge turns round and looks at Spongebob and says 'Was that you?!' 

                                                HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MORTIFIED!

Spongebob turned her head and looks at Brambly Hedge with a look that could have been 

'Don't be so ridiculous of course it wasn't!' 

or 

'Don't point out that that was me infront of (shortened version of my name)" 

then turned back to me and continued talking. I didn't know wither i wanted to laugh or be sick! This coming from the woman who wanted me to tell her son off for burping!! Then the smell! Oh mee mee lets not continue with this you know what i'm getting at 

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Anyway, back to Spongebob being an idiot today. I replied to her email saying nothing about my sister or my cousin or the laundry that had been done or the always waking up in the morning, jus that i could take to swim practice. 

Another thing about Spongebob is that she never uses anyones name. It's always, your sister, your older sister, your friend, your cousin, your honey. No matter how many times shes heard the name, she never uses it and pretends to have forgotten it. 

When she asks you a question she has already decided the answer in her head and if you don't give her the answer shes thinking of BUZZZZZZ WRONG ANSWER and she starts contradicting everything you've just said. 

Last week we were in the car ALONE and she of course had to do her little update on my life, and as always, her first question is 

'So! Hows the honey?!' 

I paused for a moment and went 'Eeehhh'

Her- 'Oh! Is he still the honey?'

At this point i can tell shes gettin excited and expecting some sort of emotional breakdown from me.

So i jus said 'Eh, no.'

She of course does not believe this because in her head, everything i say is a lie.

'Oh come on! Yeh right!' It really is unbelievable the way she says stuff. Sometimes i jus want to turn round and tell her to stop being so blummin cheeky to me. 

Me- 'No really, he's not'

Her- 'WHY NOT?'

ME- 'He jus isn't. I jus didn't feel like it anymore so i finished it.'     As if i'm givin her details on my life (and there aren't really any details to give anyway)

'Oh (name) you're so funny!'

Then she gave me a speech on how things don't always work out blah blah i dunno what she said cause i wasn't listening but i knew it was rubbish anyways cause everything that goes on in her head is total rubbish but i smiled and listened and agree and said, 'yeh you jus never know, maybe' and stuff like that.

I'll give you a few more examples of her. 

When if first got here in september, she couldn't believe i found it really hot. She just could not believe it. It just came up in conversation that i found it really hot and bright, (considering where i'd come from i thought i was sitting in an oven with great big lights shinning in my eyes!) i wasn't complaining or anything it was just in the conversation and she rooooooolled her eyes right away from me. That was my first day here. Nice first impression Mrs Spongebob! Then there have been a few other times of 'No! i don't believe you! surely not (this) or (that)'

In i think it was february, i was finally so sick of tryin to be nice and make her believe whatever i was saying incase she fired me or something. One day she was at home and sitting in the kitchen eating lunch. I decided i wasn't staying in the house any longer so i walked up to the kitchen and as i got closer to her i hear '(name) do you EVER eat?'

I turned round slowly and looked at her and said 

'Spongebob, do i look like i never eat?'

She look slightly put out and said 'Hahahaha, good one (name)'

and i exited the building. 

Last week the Goofygoober was nicer and cause i was sick he made me up an emergen C or whatever it's called. It was kind, but today i had to shout at him for being cheeky. hmmmmm i wonder who he gets that from eh? It's not even a nice cheeky, it's a... really really stupid cheeky. I'm surprised Spongebob has friends but i know they all talk about her and call her a man behind her back. He He He. I know they do because one of them, the woman across the road, made a comment about it. 

"She's lived her whole life in a mans worlds" was what she said.  

Buckfast

this is hilarious watch it and comment

Bertie's Night In

Today is very sunny. 

On the day the Weel Stockit Farm (my sister) arrived here, the fam were goin to Texas. All of them except for Bertie Bassetts. 

From what I understood, he had to go to work and would be joining them the next day. 

It was a Thursday when she arrived, the 17th ot 18th or something of April. The weather was lovely. The stud, spongebob's nephew, was still at the house and the Weel Stockit Farm and i were to take him to the airport early the next morning. 

Around 9pm that Thursday evening we came home. Because it was so lovely and warm all the windows and doors were open in the house. We parked the car outside because the garage was being fixed and as we stepped out the car we could hear music drifting very loudly from the house out to the street and Bertie Bassetts shadow could be seen in the kitchen moving in his usual quick manner around the room except this time it was much smoother, in time with the music-  

"YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL IT'S TRUE! WHEN I SAW YOUR FACE ...something something i should really look up the words....AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DOOOOO! CAUSE I'LL NEVER BE WIIIIIITHHHH YOUUUUU!!!"

This is what i think must have been happening in Bertie Bassetts mind as we were walking to the front door

He hears the car doors close- 'Oh No, i've got this embarrasssing  music on really really loud. Oh well, i'm goin to pretend i dont even care and keep it on. AH i can't do this!! they're closer to the house i can't keep this up'  

By the time we reached the front door he'd turned it down and by the time we walked in it was OFF and he was busying about the kitchen as if he hadn't ever been singing along at the top of his voice before he heard the car doors close!

On the Saturday thats jus passed i got a phone call from Spongebob asking me to come pick her up because she was taking the rented car back to wherever she'd got it from. When i got there the GoofyGoober was being all smily and chatty and got in the back seat but when Spongebob got in she didn't look so cheerful!

"The GoofyGoober is in a lot of trouble!" she said.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA how i laughed in my head as she told me how she'd discovered...

 

He'd been using bad language- I'm guessing she found this out from his text messages. All his and brambly hedge's text messages go though i think Spongbob's email account so she can read them all. He's really a stupid boy when it comes to this sort of thing. I think he was imagining that she was no longer checking up on him! HAHAHAAHHAHAHA

He'd been lying- he had swimming practice AND scouts on Saturday morning and told her that things had changed and both had been cancelled. So he lay on the couch all morning watching tv. When she checked she discovered this to be a big fat goofygoober lie!

He'd also been giving her a lot of cheek over the past week. Well misses, just a taste of what i get every day! and last but not least- he'd been lookin at naughty stuff online. 

I dunno exactly what though. 

Oh good luck to the next nanny! Gone are the days of him wanting to jus make cookies and play outside with the dogs!

Since saturday we've not had a single fight. He's been very happy and obliging. 

We'll see how things go. 

One Walks in and the Other Walks Out

Quite a lot of people have been speculating on the marriage of Bertie Bassetts and SpongeBob. Sunday night The Weel Stockit Farm and i came in to Bertie Bassetts running about the house like a mad man while Spongebob stood at the door of the kitchen watching him. When i smiled and said "hullo" she raised her eyebrows and smiled with only her mouth and said "He's goin to Florida and Paris."

Last week the kiddies were on holiday and The Weel Stockit Farm came to visit. For some reason, maybe it was because he wasn't at school, but the GoofyGoober seemed a lot more cheerful and willing to do whatever i asked him. Maybe he fancied the Weel Stockit Farm? The fam were away for the first weekend in Texas. Why Texas?! They said they had family there but they weren't goin to see them... strange. When Spongebob came back she complained about doin a lot of drivin- well, if you looked after your kids every day of the week you'd certainly get used to it.

On the Tuesday spongebob phoned the house a million times. She was desperate for us to go see a broadway show! Eventually she got tickets for a show called Xanado. It was mental. she didn't come. It started at 2pm so the 4 of us made out way in. For the GoofyGoobers birthday i bought him a dymo labeler. I don't think he was too sure of it at first (worst present he'd ever been given by the worst nanny he'd ever had!) But i taught him how to make a few and he got into it making up all sorts of things about George Bush and so on. He wanted to make one up about bombs and stick it in Penn Station but Brambly Hedge stopped him sayin that was the most stupid thing he could ever do!

Brambly Hedge wasn't too impressed by the show. She sat with a constant look of 'this is so stupid' on her face and the GoofyGoober had that face on at first but i saw it change as the show progressed and by the end he was wearing a big GoofyGoober smile and laughin his head off and repeating everything that was said and laughin. The Weel Stockit Farm said she would never bring her son to a show like this. It encouraged the gays. 

After it spongebob told us to wander around the city until she was finished work. The GoofyGoober did not like that one bit! His new phrase is "I'm a lazy American! I'm not doing that!"

So i sat us in a park and made more labels. That day the Weel Stockit Farm and i were to meet a GoofyGoober of another kind! I don't know what i could call him except.... pinnt. Thats what we'll have to call him. "hello! this is pinnta! howr you?! whure can i meet you?!?'

"aw naw! aw naw! i jus spoke to pinnta on the phone!"

"aw naw! you jus spoke to pinnta on the phone! aaaaaaaaahhhh"

We went to central park and did some people watching. There were many jewish families goin about and we wondered if there was something Jewish goin on near by. They were all dressed up nice and the Weel Stockit Farm quite fancied a few of the jewish boyz.

After a couple of hours eating cherry m&m's and watching people we moved a long to sit at some water. We saw some russian looking people making a music vid! It was jus one girl prancing about in front of a camera.

At the moment i'm talking to someone about the GoofyGoober's sense of humour. I've found someone to take over from me so yesterday i emailed Spongebob about the person and she emailed back asking if i knew the girl well? Was she a 'good kid?' Did she have a sense of humour? "cause you know what goofygoober is like!"

Yes, i do know what the goofygoober is like and his sense of humour it totally rubbish. Nothing he says is that funny and the jokes he laughs at aren't really funny either (example: Xanado)

I think Spongebob thinks she's created some genius hilarious being that noone is ever goin to really like. 

Yeh so back to last week. We never met lapinnta which was ashame cause it would have been hilarious. The Weel Stockit Farm was glad we didn't. hahahahahaha

This blog is really long it's taking me ages to do. 

This morning i came into the kitchen with my eyes half closed and a hood over my heid cause it was so cold. Spongebob was there and in a good mood and making pancakes and as i walked over to the table i ran right into Bertie Bassetts chest! (this is the second time this has happened. The first time he was only wearing his pants!) He said 'hi (my name)' as he always does, in a very cheerful tone a voice and said very quickly! And he doesnt really say my name, he always says a shortened version of it. Anyways, he had some hankie thing tied round his head and some strange kind of work out gear on. Then he went out for...i dunno, a run or something. I took Brambly Hedge to school early and when i came in i caught Spongebob and Bertie Bassetts having a wee hug in the kitchen. When i walked in he moved away and she said "ew he's all sweaty" then we had a chat about the new nanny who is comin to take my place. Thankyou friend, you're saving my life and i'm savin them a lot of money by finding you!

Last night i drove around like a mad wuman goin to swimming then soccer then back to swimming then back to soccer.

The GoofyGoober argued with me at every turn and finally on the last stretch home we had a chat about the 'polution' in the air between us. We have to get rid of all the polution and stop arguing so much! He creates the polution though by being such a wee know it all. Brambly Hedge found the whole convo very entertaining. 

When we got in the house I have the GoofyGoober his dinner to heat up in the microwave. Spongebob was working late. I can't remember what i'd made but there was corn and he said he didn't like that and so went around the kitchen lookin in all the cupboards to see what could make the corn taste better. 

"I heard that if you put flour and corn together it makes it better."

Me-"No it doesn't. Don't do that."

Him-"Yes it does."

And so what does he do? After me telling him countless times not to put flour on the corn? He puts it on the corn. I made him eat it. All of it. He was gagging and it took him about an hour but will he listen to me next time? Yes. I did let him watch American Idol while he ate it. 

No my blog didnt die a death, I'm jus taking ages to write it. 

Bertie Bassetts is gone again. Singapore is the place to be this week! On friday night i came down the stairs to find Spongebob and himself having a romantic dinner. Spongebob swung round to look at me when i walked into the kitchen "

Oh (new shortened version of my name) we didn't know you were still home!"

"Well how do you think your children got to swimming then eh? " was what i thought in my head!

I'm leaving the blog here at this point and I'll do another one cause this one is long. I've got a cold btw!

Officer Smellgood

Saturday in the day time. Oh the lovely sun on my face as i lay in the carpark outside A church. I love text messages. I need to think of a name for the person i was with. How about 'Cheerio' since i noticed she called herself that somewhere. 

Oh the sun was beating down and the thought of NOT seeing the GoofyGoober all weekend was really making my heart feel so cheerful! 

Cheerio had orginised a SARDINE SATURDAY which was goin to the church at night and playin a game of sardines in the dark. Saridines is where you go and hide and eat sardines and wait for everyone to find you while you're eatin the sardines. The church is in the woods so it's really creepy there anyways and usually on a saturday night the car park fills up with about 30 cars all doin who knows what. We decided that if we sat inside the church we'd be able to find out what they were all up to. 

Cheerio invited some friends along i didn't know and i had a couple of verra awkward moments with them in the gym. Silence...... who will say something first.... i'll jus lie on the stage and text.... then they get out their phones and start textin..... OH THANK GOODNESS HERES CHEERIO AGAIN!!

Finally Mrs Doyle came and the game began. We were in a team because we would be scared (me and mrs doyle)

No cars showed up all night. 

Sunday night was a great blessing in disguise.

I got side swiped and the drunk jus drove off. Of course the police had to come along. Oh Officer! You jus smell lovely so you do. Jus you shine that torch right in my face and see how beautiful my face is. Is that a ring you've got on yer finger? NO! no wedding ring thats jus great. 

He was a hot todd. If you imagine what a hot todd looks like then thats who you're imagining. 

One more point, Spongebob and Bertie Bassetts didn't even care that their car was smashed in at the side. I wasn't nervous at all about telling them because what are they goin to do? FIRE ME?

naw

Peas out. 

The GoofyGoober has swimming every day from now to the summer so i'm in luck AGAIN. I'm such a lucky dog. 

Gosh Forsaken Heck Hole

Let me tell you first about a dream i had at 5 o'clock this morning. My father must have phoned me by mistake and i thought "Oh, it's 5 in the morning, that must mean theres a emergency! so i answer the phone and say 'hullo? hullo? and all i can hear is the familiar sound of the printing machine." So i went back to sleep eventually and had dreams of the weel stockit farm fallin asleep in toilets with boxes of cakes and my father bein sent to prison for murder of a 15 year old boy aaaaaaaahhh hahahahahahahaha!

Then i woke up jus after 7 and was late for breakfast. 

Yesterday was the GoofyGoobers birthday! So, we only have one fight and it was about the warmest part of the day. He said it was the evening. WHAT? Mad dogs and GoofyGoobers go out in the midday sun! His words were "So jus cause Scotland says one thing it means science is wrong?!"

When Spongebob came home she looked like she was pretending to be shattered and told me her company had lost billions of dollars in the night. WHO CARES? NOT ME! And i'm glad i didn't care because this is what happened later in the evening!

They were havin a birthday dinner for the GoofyGoober and of course i was invited but i was goin out. Spongebob was annoyed but i don't care because i have dinner with HER children every night so maybe for a birthday change it should jus be them eh? eh? yeh, you agree. The GoofyGoober couldn't care less where i was anyway so. 

I come downstairs to get the car and the GoofyGoober comes in and opens his mouth and out comes a huge burp. I was of course not impressed and neither was Spongebob, but did she say something to her son about it? Oh no no no not her precious wee GoofyGoober! She turned to me and said "How are you raising my children! That was disgusting."

Eh! Why are you tellin me misses! I said to her "I would have given him into trouble." (in a way to say "why didn't you give him into trouble?") She is after all the one in charge! Then the GoofyGoober comes up and says "What? Why?' and i said "because you were being rude" and she looked AT ME AGAIN and said 'It's totally disgusting.'

- You don't have to tell me what it is! Do you ever hear me doing things like that? No, i don't think so! But i did hear from your children that you did a f*rt at the dinner table so no wonder they have bad manners!

Bertie Bassetts wasn't home yet with my car so i had to sit with Spongebob and Brambly Hedge. Spongebob was in an AWFUL mood. Can she not even pretend to be in a good mood and then go away to her room and scream or something? If shes employed someone to be in a constant good mood then she should do it herself! 

Oh, but it gets worse. We're sittin there, and the dog comes runnin up to the door smashes itself against the glass to let everyone know it wants inside! Spongebob turns round and looks at the dog and turns back to me and says 'And thats another thing, you're not really raising the dogs very well either! Are you?!"

I jus looked down, turned my head away from her and said 'I don't even like your dogs.'

Finally Bertie Bassetts came home and i made a quick exit. 

...Sorry i jus had to take a break there to draw the dog wearing a nappy on someones facebook page. 

where was i?

Brambly Hedge is nice and continues to be my favourite. 

Looking for a Replacement Nanny?

Friday night was Brambly Hedge's birthday party but thankfully i was busy so did not have to attend. The GoofyGoober had to go to swimming at the Y and i took him to it and he was in a verra verra bad mood. He's become lazy and he likes it. He says all the great geniuses in the world are lazy. On saturday i was in Central Park and i wrote this poem that i'll now share with YOU.

            NEW YORK NEW YORK

Oh April sun

how you shine down

    through the bare trees in

          Central Park.

Where me and Mrs Doyle sit

      Cold Stone.

Strawberries we taste in our

     mouths

baseball and soccer

  we do watch 

Oh Central Park you're like ice tea (not that i'd know)

        so good

         and 

    not too sweet

              Lemon

    mmmmmm......

Mrs Doyle loved the ice tea. 

Now heres the big news. 

I took Brambly Hedge to swimming last night and picked up the Goofygoober who was very selfish and took ages to get changed and said he was being sociable. ANNOYING.

Nevermind anyways i came in the house and Spongebob was sitting eating her dinner. 

Sometimes i think she comes in later than she should so that she doesn't have to pick up the kids from swimming. Oh well, nothing i can do about that back to my point now. She asked me! To stay another year! and work for her again!!! AS IF!!! She even offered to pay for my schooling (or part of it) but the options of schools that i could go to here were not tempting at all. The only way she could make me stay is if she set me up in a flat in New York City with her 2 children and sent me to one of the schools there. I'm not goin to anywhere round here! Oh well. She pretty much looked like she was goin to cry and i felt a bit bad. A wee bitty. Then she said i was to start looking for someone to take my place. Where on earth am i to find someone? 

If you would like to come work here, or rather, if you know of anyone who would like to come work here, let me know and don't let them read my blog cause it'll put them off ok?

The GoofyGoober came in smellin terribly of B.O and was refusing to change so i eventually had to chase him up the stairs to his room and find him new clothes and force him to put on deodorant. I told him he'd never get a girlfriend smelling like that and he said 'I DON'T WANT A GIRLFRIEND! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!'

April Fools

Yesterday morning i rose from my bed and wandered down my stairs. At the bottom of the stairs there was string attached to wall and floor and hand-rail in a web type formation.

The last 3 stairs were covered in "febreeze" and facing my stairs were... THE DOG STAIRS.

The dog stairs are made of foamy stuff and specially bought to sit next to the GoofyGoober's bed so that the dogs can walk up them and lie on the bed. 

So, i imagine the trick was, for me to slip down the wet stairs and get covered in the web of string and be goin so fast that i'd run up the dog stairs and finally fall over. What a laugh that would have been. If i'd been more awake i would have jus done it but i didn't realise the trick till i was back in bed and had pulled all the string down. Sorry Goober!

When we got downstairs 3 stools had been tied together with sting. i dunno what the point in that was. I think the GoofyGoober jus wanted to makes shapes out of the string. It looked like a web again or some geometrical shape. He'd take away all the cutlery. Jokes on you GoofyGoober! When he wanted a spoon he didn't want to go get it because then i would find out where he'd hidden them! hahahahahahahaha!!!! He'd hidden the clock. I didn't care about that either cause it's really them that need to know the time more than me since i wasn't drivin this week and anyway, i jus follow whatever they're doin. He took away the rug too. I didn't see how that would affect me but i didn't bother asking. He thought it was funny.

Brambly Hedge stayed off school again. Did i write about his great structure? Yes, the one thats like the empire state building. Well, when he left for school, Brambly Hedge and i carried it together outside into the rain. It was raining all day yesterday but roasting hot. Lovely. 

Some bits broke off it but we stuck it together again....well, we jus stuck the bits back on. He was very angry when he got home. We also put books under his covers hahahahaha and pushed all his dirty clothes up against his door so he couldn't get in again. What a mess he has to clean up. In a rage, he ran into Brambly Hedge's room and turned over her mattress hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahaa!!!!!!!!!!!

This day last year- Fiddler on the roof, euan's birthday, a car and a ferry.  MIND IT?!

Will i write what i was goin to write in the last one? No, i don't think i will. It's too vulgar but keep in mind it did come from Spongebob's mind!

Bertie Bassetts hasn't been on the scene much lately. He was away all last week and then appeared home friday night all ready for what they see as a fun filled weekend! They always have pancakes and that disgusting stuff americans call bacon. They read the newspapers and then i have no idea what else they do because i either stay hidden in my room in the sky or i slip out when they've gone or before they get up. 

One saturday morning i went down about noon thinking they were all gone and it was safe to leave. The GoofyGoobers room is right at the bottom of my stairs and when i got to it, inside i saw Spongebob in nothing but pants and bra! She ran around a bit not quite sure what to do and then shut the GoofyGoober's door saying something about the builders were outside and she wanted to look out the window....WHAT? the GoofyGoober was in the kitchen gettin excited over a stapler he'd been given. 

Breakfast

 

This morning Brambly Hedge is ill. She cannae talk. I don't see that as a reason to stay off school but obviously some people do! She's jus sitting readin though and at some point in the day i'm sure we'll watch spongebob square pants (the one on tv). 

On a normal morning i wake up Brambly Hedge at 6.45am. 

We are all downstairs by 7.ooam. They must be dressed when they go downstairs.

They eat breakfast from 7.00am to 7.20am EXACTLY and then they must go upstairs and brush teeth wash face blah blah blah and Spongebob phones at 7.25am.

I usually jus drink hot chocolate because i'm not goin to eat at 7 in the morning when i can hardly even move BUT of course! The Goofy Goober has a problem with this and so this morning we had a big big BIG fight. It went a wee bit like this-

"It is very bad for your body not to eat breakfast in the morning!"

"Goofy Goober i am not eatin at 7 in the morning! And who are you to be telling me what to do anyway?" 

"i have freedom of speech i can say what i want"

"Eh, not to me you can't!'

"Yes i can. You tell me what to do so i'll tell you what to do."

"No you will not. I get permission from your parents to boss you about if you get permission from my parents then i'll let you boss me about but since you don't have it you'll jus have to sit down and shut up"

"If you don't eat breakfast you wont have any energy"

"I have plenty of energy thank you" (so much i can't hardly sleep at night)

"Not as much as you could have"

He had this teenager-i-know-it-all-smirk on his face which was really REALLY annoying me. 

Then he went on about freedom of speech and the constitution (which he has pinned up on his wall) and all this sort of stuff and i was ready to throw my spoon at him but i jus sat and stared. Then he asked why i cared so much about me not eating breakfast which was a stupid thing to ask and i told him it was nothing to do with that but that he was being a little know it all and he was only 13 and knew nothing. He then said

"Well the problem there for you is that i do usually know everything"

"Grow up"

and the fight ended.

What an awkward adult he's goin to be if he continues like this. He'll be rich and live in a big house with wife and kids but they wont be able to stand him and the only reason he'll have friends is because he's rich and he owns the company they work for! After grand parties at his house he'll sit all smug thinking people like him and he's a great guy but they'll all be walking home drunk talkin about what an idiot he is and laughin at him. 

Brambly Hedge will always be the only one whos honest with him. She'll constantly tell him he's a joke and a loser with no real friends and he has to stop thinkin he knows more than everyone else but that she still loves him. Or something along those lines. 

I could write about something else but i'm not goin to unless i get loads and loads of comments telling me i should. Well, i will write it if my mimmy says i can. HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Me and Mrs Doyle bought some natural italian soda on saturday. A bottle each. We drank them in the car with a view of Manhattan and listened to a boy shouting at his burd in spanish. It was funny. 

A Cardboard Box Company

I've changed my mind again. I'm goin to keep calling him Bertie Bassetts. 

 

This week i worked late into the night. Brambly Hedge was at a friends house and the Goofy Goober stayed in because he has no friends. He was constructing something that looked like the empire state building and i was reading on a chair near by.

GoofyGoober - 'I'm going to be very rich one day.'

Me - 'How are you goin to do that? What are you goin to be?'

Goofygoober - "A science discovery (blah blah blah had no idea what he was talking about) business.

Me - 'Oh very good. When you're rich will you give me some money?'

Gooofygoober - "No, but i'll also run a factory which makes cardboard boxes. I'll give you a house."

And at that he left the room.

Brambly Hedge is much easier to get on with. I heard that in the past she was a very difficult person and Goofygoober was always the favourite out the two but things seem now to have switched. Shes beautiful and shy and now becoming very popular at school. The Goofygoober is always calling her stupid and it seems shes come to accept it herself now!

For the past months i've been constantly telling him off for saying it but then one day last week Spongebob was home and we all had dinner together. Goofygoober started up his 'Brambly Hedge is so stupid' stuff and to my horror! Spongebob joined in!

Guess who the favourite is! Dunno what else to say about Brambly Hedge cept she's sweet and i'll write more later.

Bertie Bassetts

I've decided to call his majesty the king of money 'Bertie Bassetts' cause i see him sneakin licorice from the cupboard and also on the first day i arrived here i was lookin out my window and he was unpackin the car of their suitcases and now and again (all the time actually), he would open the drivers door and take some licorice out of a wee packet and eat it. He's a sweetie sneaker har har har. I also could have called him 'The Bee' cause he buzzes about constantly. He never stops moving. When he stands on one spot he is forever looking around himself to so what has to be done next. Brambly Hedge says that he doesn't need to sleep, he just does it because thats what you're meant to do. WHAT?! He travels all over the world and never has jet lag. He jus keeps on moving. He even has time to sit and read a book! 

One time before Christmas he came back and gave me a wee box of goodies that the airline had given him. It had a pair of very comfy socks in it that i now wear ALL THE TIME when it's cold. The Goofy Goober looks quite like him but Brambly Hedge doesn't at all. She looks more like Spongebob.  

Oh by ra way she's called Spongebob obv cause her pants are square. Just incase you didn't get that. Ok so.

I've changed my mind, i think i'll call him 'The Bee' now because thats like Bertie Bassetts and a buzzy bee all rolled into one. So! The Bee! He's in Europe right now. No one knows when he'll be back, not even him. 

Goofy Goober

Goofy Goober has braces and blonde hair and i thought he really loved swimmin but i soon realised that he really loves... maths and comic books and watching cartoons on internet because the tv is banned.  

The Is An Example of Him.

One morning he says to me 'Lady Harriet, you need to pick me up from school. i need to buy something.'

It bein around Christmas time i'm thinkin he wants to go get pressies for his family so i very kindly pick him and Brambly Hedge up from school. Brambly Hedge wanted to buy pressies. 

After goin to one shop with goofy goober, he disappeared. 'OH GOOFY GOOBER! WHERE ARE YOU?!' 

We searched every shop, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Brambly Hedge then spots a verra pink shop. It was pink all round the windows and the door was pink too. A japanese type shoppy with miss kitty or whatever it is...whats that japanese cartoon cat thing called? Well it was drawn on the window and there were all sorts of wee japanese thingys in it. So we peer in and what should we see? Something not very japanese at all! A goofy goober! 

When we got back in the car i discovered that the goofy goober was NOT buying anyone presents! He wanted picked up from school so he could buy himself a rubix cube! 

Late the night before, he said, he'd seen something on "YouTube'. A wee chinese baby solving a rubix cube and so, he decided he must have one to improve his intelligence.  

At home, makin dinner. 

I hide goofy goober's rubix cube up my sleeve for a laugh and he runs round the house 3 or 4 times looking for it all the while shouting and screaming at brambly hedge and i 'WHERE IS IT?! YOU HAVE IT! IF YOU HAVE IT I'LL KILL YOU!' 

After runnin round the house he came to me in a threatening manner demanding that i give it back. Finally he saw the big square shape in my sleeve and grabbed at it in a fury! He pulled it out my sleeve and ran up the stairs screaming while i was laughin and Brambly Hedge made cookies and called him a 'weirdo'. 

Finally, about an hour later, i went up to apologies and found him on his bed, rubix cube complete. He said it helped him get rid of his anger. 

  

The Dog Has Got It's Pants On and It's Comin Out To Play

It's not really allowed out to play when it's got it's nappy on. 

Jus now it is out playin cause it's a sunny day and i don't want to bring it inside, cause if i bring it inside i need to put the nappy back on it. 

it's a golden retriever and it's nappy is blue and has a hole at the back for it's tail to go through. The dug is so skinny though cause it only eats 3 chicken legs for it's breakfast and some mingin brown thing for it's dinner at 5 o'clock so the nappy is always falling off. 

Well, when i think about it, it actually gets quite a lot of food at night. it gets the mingin brown stuff specially made bertie bassetts. on top of that it gets some greek yogurt and half a banana. then half an hour after it's dinner it gets dessert. a chewy bar thing. the other dog gets fed the same but it doesn't get a nappy. 

The dog looks really stupid when it's in this state. it's always in a bad mood. i like to feed it chocolate so it feels like it's in love. jus like it said in those always adverts. Member them? with the wuman jumpin on the trampoline and stuff? imagine the dog was jumpin on a trampoline hahaha! 

introducing spongebob & Bertie Bassett

spongebob wears these big white pants. so big that i actually fold them when i do the laundry.

 do you fold your pants? if you do, that means your pants are really big like a real item of clothin instead of a wee bitty of material you jus throw in the drawer.  

after about 3 months though she got a new set of pants and they were not white but were the same size and shape - fat. one pair was salmon pink, one was stripy pink and white and darker pink and one pair was eh...i can't remember i'll have to have another look. last week she got a new pair and they were purple. 

in total i'd say she has about 6 pairs.

The only thing i'll say for now about Bertie Bassett's pants are that they were once white and are now grey but he also has some silky black ones and silky green ones.